Chapter 76...The final Ghanaversary countdown (for 2011)!

As most of you are aware today is my last day in Ghana as a VSO volunteer and what a mission it has been to complete everything before my flight back to the UK tonight, but finally after some last minute packing I am ready for home. Obviously anyone who has read my blog throughout this emotional rollercoaster nine and a half months (think I've had more ups and downs than a pregnant woman) knows exactly how my VSO experience has been. That said, I have reverted back to my good old Ghanaversary countdowns one last time to give a few summaries of the adventure that was... 

Five things I am looking forward to going home to:

1. My loved ones - friends and family who I have missed dearly throughout this time, but who have remained constants in my life
2. The cold! Not spending 24 hours a day with a sweat on
3. Toilets. Everywhere having a toilet, and a flushing one with running water at that!
4. Feeling clean and being able to run my fingers through my hair
5. Cinemas, restaurants, country walks, road trips, nights out, nights in (OK this one is cheating slightly as clearly I am cramming a lot into one point, but I guess the general vibe would be 'socialising and doing new things')

 Five things I will miss about Ghana:

1. Walking down Commercial St and around Bolga market where people greet, smile and know my name.
2. All year round sunshine. It really is hard not to smile when the sun is shining all the time!
3. The freedom of hopping on my moto and feeling the breeze dry my sweat as I ride.
4. Jana. The little village outside Tamale that has worked its way into my heart.
5. GMT. At first it was frustrating, but really it has allowed me the time to do everything I want to do.

Five things I will not miss about Ghana:

1. Mosquitoes, ants, bugs, insects! Anything that can land on me, crawl on me, bite me!
2. Sweat! I will not miss sweating all day everyday and sometimes even finishing a cold shower drenched in sweat!
3. My moto breaking down on me ALL the time!
4. MTN internet when on green light.
5. Waiting for tros to fill - arriving at the tro park to find a tro has just left and the next one to fill is a 37 seater! 

OK a few contradictions there, but the lines are so blurry it's hard to distinguish the likes and dislikes sometimes...oh wait...I'm going and coming so I'll be back in Ghana for six months next year (visa permitting), back onto a positive note...

Five things I am looking forward to going and coming back to:

1. VSO friends. For keeping me on the straight and narrow (somehow)!
2. My best Jana friend Aminatu. I cannot wait to spend six months watching this little girl grow and in any small way I can, shaping her future.
3. Three ceiling fans in the main room of the house. Come March and April when the heat is scorching, these will be much appreciated!
4. Taxis and push bikes. No more wearing combat trousers and trainers in the boiling hot sun because I need to ride my moto everywhere! Sun dresses and skirts here I come!
5. The challenge.

And on that note it is now time for me to start my journey home, Ghana I will go (small time), England I am coming...

Chapter 75...The second giving of thanks

The sleepy town of Lawra in the Upper West region of Ghana did not know what hit it last week as Upper East, Central and Accra volunteers descended on Lawsec Secondary School all in the name of American Thanksgiving. The week was fun filled, food filled and friends filled, perfect for my last few days in Ghana (for 2011)...

Part I: S'mores ("I want some more" - "I want s'more")
Tuesday evening saw us starting a fire in the driest season known to Ghana, probably not the smartest of moves, but we (G-dog) managed to keep it under control and not burn down the entire school campus. The two Americans gave the three Brits a step-by-step run through on how to melt marshmallows and create the perfect s'more 'sandwich' using honey made Graham crackers as the 'bread' and Hersheys chocolate as the filling. Having chomped our way through plenty s'mores, we then set the World to rights over a few beers...

The pledge!

Team UK and team America, united for a photo!

Happy s'mor-ing!

Part II: The slaughter!
Wednesday we witnessed the murder/killing/slaughter of our Thanksgiving turkey - SMW! The Abster and Kelly were in charge of slaughtering the 20lb turkey and I think the only way to best describe the event is through photographic evidence...

The chase for SMW!

SMW's moms and aunts!

The walk to death!

The Abster questioning her murder skills!

Some may say Enoch to the rescue!

The fight!

The tears!

All hands on deck for the gutting!

The 'Sunlight' clean bird!

The washing of evidence!

Part III: Thanksgiving Day
Following the trauma of the previous day, Thursday the long awaited thanksgiving day arrived, as did our cooked golden turkey...

We made 'turkey thanksgiving hands' under the supervision and guidance of the Americans.  It did remind me of a primary school class back home, especially when we had to put our hands up to speak and check whether everyone was safe using scissors, but was a very fun kick-off to the days activities. We then proceeded to write on our turkey hands what we were thankful for both in Ghana and at home. Some examples were 'flushing toilets, seasons and raid bug spray to mute all the cockroaches.' 

Our thanksgiving dinner was a feast of delights cooked up by the two Americans. It included turkey, stuffing, gravy, roasted veg with...cornbread and biscuits...huh!? This was a challenge for us Brits to comprehend and earnt me a telling off (and deduction of points) when I tried to cut mine with a knife and fork (a new concept to the Americans)...

The table after we were through with dinner!

Following dinner we were all thoroughly fit to burst so spent the rest of the afternoon  on the sofas (imagine hard wood here and not comfortable at all) watching 'the game.' Thanks to GB we had a projector to display the bears (cubs) v eagles (penguins) game that Kelly downloaded from a couple of weeks ago. Two and a half hours later the game was over and we were ready for more food...

Part IIII: The morning after...
The last day of our marathon thanksgiving week saw more volunteers arrive for round two. We crammed into one day all the fun we had spread across three and managed to enjoy three times the laughter and happiness as well. With more turkey hands, food, the game, s'mores and camp fire sing-alongs, I don't think any of us could have asked for a better ending to the week...

Our second day of feasting!

With THE Americans!

Some late night leftovers!

As you may be able to tell already, it really was an absolutely brilliant introduction to American Thanksgiving (Ghana style) that wouldn't have been possible without the packages sent over by Abbie and Kelly's families...we owe a finger on our turkey hands to all of them for making it possible. Also to the Abster for hosting the week long event, to Kelly for being American and to the others for somehow including me in team UK, although we all know it was team Togo that won the race!

Chapter 74...The Jana farewell (for 2011)

The taxi pulls up to the compound I now know so well in the little village of Jana, Tamale. As I look out of the window I notice there are no children around. They are not sitting by the sides of their mothers as they prepare food and order the children to run small errands. They are not playing and fighting with each other in the small space in front of the compound gate. They are not returning from one of their many roaming trips. They are simply nowhere to be seen. Then I remember it is Friday morning and they are in the school situated just behind the compound. My heart sinks a little, for as much as I enjoy the company of the adults in the compound, I much prefer that of the children, mainly because we find a way to communicate and have fun with each other despite the fact I speak very little (read as: no) Dagbani, the local language of Tamale.

We step out of the taxi as I beg for some last minute Dagbani revision and as if by magic, the children of Jana come running around the corner of one of the huts and flood the compound with noise, laughter and life. They are a swarm of bees darting in different directions, whirling around in a hurry, each with their own agenda for their short break from class, mainly chopping food.  After the usual ritual of greetings, we settle on a bench in the shade and I wait for the children to calm down and rid themselves of the initial nerves they feel whenever I visit. Soon we are back on familiar turf with me mesmerised by all of them, and them as equally mesmerised back. This time though there is a new area of fascination that we haven't experienced before - my hair. For some reason pulling my hair out and attempting to attach it to their soft bald heads is the entertainment for the morning. 

Break time is soon over and the compound clears to just Mustafa, Al Has, Amina and myself. These three are among the eldest children in the compound and should also be in school today, but are unable to attend because their father cannot afford their tuition fees. They spend the next hour explaining their situation to me and how it makes them feel, my heart bleeds. All three of them have passed their end of year exams and been accepted to Junior High or Senior Secondary schools, which started back in September, meaning they have missed two months of the school year already and are set to miss even more. Tuition fees are 300 GhC (£125) per child per year and currently there is not even enough money to send one child to school, let alone all three. I dare to ask the question "who would their father choose to send to school if he only managed to raise enough funds to send one child?" They answer in the most adult manner, with a thought-through analytical explanation that it would probably be Al Has. 

The rain was scarce this year in Tamale, it came late and left early. As I understand it, this left many farmers with very little to sell on, for example to market traders, meaning their income for the year is low. Mustafa, Al Has and Amina walk me through the process of harvesting and selling, telling me how much they are expected to make from the little they have managed to farm this year. As Amina turns the rice that has been laid on the ground to dry under the African sun I realise that this is their everything. They explain that once farming season is over their father will use the money to pay off some of his bank loans, then take out a further loan in order to subsidise their low income. My head is spinning with numbers of bags, costs to buy, costs of schooling, costs of living, but even my non-mathematical brain can figure out that the chances of these children attending school this academic year are extremely low. 

This gets me thinking...how many people back home could afford £125 or part of £125 to help one of these children further their education...plenty is the answer. If a school in the UK sponsors a child through a year of the Ghana education system, both parties would benefit. All those school children back home learning from text books could be given the opportunity for a more interactional learning experience by following the case study of a Ghanaian child. They could send letters to each other, photos, videos, they could Skype and form a friendship and relationship with someone living in extreme and often harsh conditions in West Africa. In return a Ghanaian child could be given the chance to do the only thing in the World they want to do, become educated. It is a fight here that plenty of children are willing to take on in order to save themselves and their families from further hard times. These three children tell me they do not want to be farmers like their father, but instead aspire to work hard to better their lives and those of others, and I totally believe them. I do however, question the sustainability of giving a helping hand, because the same farming and lack of money issues will no doubt arise again, and then what will they do? If only there was some work for Hussain during the dry season when farming stops, then there would be less dependency on the short rainy season to supply funds for the entire year. But, life is too short, and these childrens possible education is passing them by, which is a huge injustice, because they are all fabulously intelligent and brilliant human beings who deserve that chance. So when I return home I will be on a mission to raise as much money as possible for at least one of these future stars of Ghana to become the person I know they can be...

Our last Jana visit for 2011 is coming to an end and although I am hot, sweaty and covered in tiny, red dust footprints I am sad to say goodbye. Even though I will miss everyone, I will definitely miss my little buddy Aminatu the most. This one is fiesty, trouble-making and a little terror, but deep down she is unbelievably vulnerable and a softy at heart. She reminds me of someone I know...

Aminatu rocking out the shades!

So much will happen in my life over the next two months before I return to Ghana at the end of January - I will see friends and family again, I will spend two weeks in Canada, I will pack up my things to return and I will say the next round of goodbyes. I can't help but wonder how much will occur in Jana during that time, but I cross my fingers it will all be good!

Chapter 73...The letter!

VSO...you have brought me the most turbulent 'working year' of my life, which I didn't think was possible after my time at GEO. In the UK you assessed and accepted me to volunteer overseas, you sent me on two long weekends of pre-departure training and you found me a placement that on paper suited my skill set ideally. To put it bluntly, you set me up for what was to be the most incredible, life-changing (mine and others) experience of my life, one that I would look back on for eternity with fondness. In some ways you and I set my expectations high, which excited and motivated me to step foot on that plane knowing what I would lose as a result! And to be fair, in so many ways you have given me experiences to look back on with an unbelievable amount of happiness, I just wish that was enough, and I question why it is not...It would appear that seven weeks of holiday, finding a man to fall in love with and who loves me back, as well as making some wonderful friends isn't enough! Evidently I need more in my life to feel fulfilled, that more is work. Something to not snooze my alarm for in the morning, something to feel great about when clambering into bed at night. Something to talk endlessly to others about. Something to feel proud of. VSO you have not succeeded in giving me any of these things!

You have however, brought me a better understanding of organisational structuring and development, something I was passionate about before ever meeting you. The way you work VSO, it's not for me, it doesn't work with my brains programming. I'm not chilled out and relaxed enough, for you are the most laid back organisation I have ever met. And now the time has come for me to tell you, honestly, all the things that frustrate me about you, and be prepared for there are many...

1. There is no substance behind you. You are an international development charity working all over the World, but what do you even mean. Your recruitment countries appear to have no consistency in their assessment process, their messages, their communication with volunteers. Your placement countries appear to have no idea what VSO stands for, what it means to be a volunteer and what the overall strategy of the organisation is. Do you even know this VSO? Do you even know what you are trying to achieve anymore and how best to do that?
2. The way you partner. This is my biggest gripe because it is so unbelievably obvious little or no work is done on this prior to flying volunteers out to placement. Do you actually try to figure out what an organisations needs are with an international volunteer? Do you ask the right questions to ascertain if they know how best to use a volunteer and their skills? Do you ask them what they want from a volunteer? Do you know what the organisations strategic plans are and how the volunteer and their placement fits into that? Do you know how motivated the staff are to work with a volunteer? I don't think you do!
3. Capacity building, well isn't this just a load of fluff if the partnering isn't done right in the first place. If the organisation are not in a place to have their capacity built, as a whole or on an individual basis, then how is placing a volunteer there going to change anything? Volunteers would be better utilised if placed with people who are keen to create a change in their field, rather than placing volunteers where motivation first has to be built, before any work can then be carried out. Or if this is the case, make that the placement, that is a big enough task on its own surely. There are plenty of people in your placement countries who would make the most of a volunteer, so why do you not partner with these people?
4. Your placement objectives. These just go to show that you are doing everything back-to-front and inside-out, because you have a set of structured, rigid objectives for a number of placements rather than individual placement outlines. If you did some ground work prior to placement then the objectives would be specific to each role, rather than stating that all volunteers in the CASO role should be doing x,y and z. Surely each CASO's objectives are specific to where their GES office is at with that piece of work. And don't even get me started on the MSO role where a volunteer is told to carry out a Guided Self Assessment Process on an organisation. Whose capacity does that build? What happens to that GSAP document after the volunteer has left? Nothing, because no-one in the office has ownership of it, no-one in the office knows what it is and no-one wanted it. If it is a baselining activity then use it as that, rather than just letting it sit doing nothing once complete.
5. The way you run programme offices. Is it not a little ridiculous that you send volunteers out to a country to build capacity of organisations, yet employ locals who have never worked in this field before to run VSO programme offices and programmes. Now don't get me wrong, this is obviously the ideal situation, but you appear to have slipped off the stepping stones to get to this stage. Programme managers who are unable to develop long-term strategies, to communicate with their volunteers, to assess and monitor placements and partnerships, are not ideal. Why has no capacity building with your own office staff taken place? Surely this is a group of motivated and engaged people right there for volunteers to work with?
6. I told you there were plenty, but finally...the cohesion of your volunteers. You have around 60 people in country at any given time, all working independently from one another. You make no effort to draw these people together, to share their working ideas and best practices. You are perfectly happy to leave them floating along with no encouragement, no accountability, no montioring, no strategy, nothing! Do you really care about what work these people are doing? Well I can answer that one, because from first-hand experience I know that the answer is no! Volunteers roam wherever they like, whenever they like and they know that not a soul will care or even know that they have been roaming, or that they have returned!

So VSO that is it and it appears I am not the only one feeling this way... (click here for recent VSO volunteer survey results)! I have learnt so much more from this experience than you have from me, and that saddens me. But you have given me an amazing amount of knowledge on myself and organisations, that I will ensure stays with me for the rest of time. You have brought me closer to myself than I ever thought I could be and that's impressive because I already thought I knew myself pretty well before embarking on this journey. Or maybe you have allowed me to identify with a 'new' me, a different me that has emerged over the past nine months. You have made me question what drives me and why I struggled to be proactive in the environment I found myself in. You have allowed me to meet some Ghanaians that I have not enjoyed the company of, but who have made me look inwards to myself and my own morals. You have introduced me to some of the friendliest, warmest people I have ever met, who always greet me with joy when I return to the office from one of my roaming adventures. You have shown me through a handful of hard-working people what it really means to be human and motivated in one of the most de-motivating environments I have ever experienced. These people keep at it no matter what is going on around them, and I envy those people, because if I had managed that then this chapter may not be ending as quickly as it is.

However I am me, and that means I got weighed down by the six points above and I allowed them to take over. But that happened for a reason, as did immersing myself in the world of other organisations where the contrast in organisational operations couldn't be greater. I believe it happened this way, because at some point in my life I will be deeply involved in the operational systems of an organisation and I can draw on this experience to direct my actions. So VSO I thank you. It has been a totally incredible chapter that I will no doubt keep glancing back at for the rest of life. But now the page is turning as the sun sets on you and wakes in the morning with a whole new adventure ahead...

Chapter 72...The lasts!

This week is a week full of lasts for me in Bolga...

• My last day at the GES office.
• My last moto ride on my big red mean machine.
• My last stroll around the market.
• My last stop-off at the local shop on my way home to buy all my daily essentials.
• My last chat with Sister Akua at lunchtime while I munch on fruit.
• My last sleep in my room.
• My last bit of baking in the oven.
• My last egg 'n' bread at Travellers. 
• My last hold of the adorable baby (whose name I can't spell) at work.
• My last tro ride to Tamale.

I am super excited about the adventure that lies ahead in starting a new Ghana life in Tamale, but I am also deeply sad about leaving Bolga behind. The biggest reason for my sadness is that somehow I managed to live my life for nine months not realising just how much this place has touched me. How much the people I see on a daily or weekly basis mean to me and how emotionally challenging it will be to say goodbye when I get on that tro to leave. Doing all these 'lasts' really is closing the chapter on 'Hannahs Volunteer Story' leaving the big question...what next?

Chapter 71...The ridding of all sins!

Halloween hit Ghana (possibly for the first time) this weekend as witches, black cats, skeletons and...scary scrabble got together for a vodka jelly, apple bobbing party! I have to hold my hands up, I didn't go in costume, which meant throughout the night I accumulated props and make-up from other people in order to create a 'Halloween costume' with a Ghanaian twist.

Now I have to admit, before today I didn't know the meaning behind Halloween, how it originated or why we dress up, trick or treat, carve pumpkins and bob for apples. This now seems a bit strange, because why would anyone do these things, but not know why they are doing it! 

Nevertheless today on Halloween my GES managed to rid themselves of a bad spirit that had been lingering around for six years. This spirit is not all bad, not by any means, and I have seen some good that it has done, but in recent times it has been bad, very bad indeed! So as the announcement came from the GES Director that today was his last day at the office as he is being transferred, I really did see some irony in it being Halloween. In the Ghana education system being transferred is the equivalent to being fired back home, but you still keep working, and being paid, and you transfer to somewhere new where no-one knows all the damage you have done elsewhere...so actually nothing alike at all! No-one is ever fired, even if they are caught teaching drunk, even if they abuse a child, even if they steal money from the office accounts (as my Director was accused of doing) they simply get transferred to another district to become someone else's problem instead...it really still is a very alien system to me!

Today was also the day I handed in my notice (my own ridding of sins) and with my last day at the now Director-less office set for next Thursday my thoughts turned to home...what people dressed up as for Halloween, the fact I'm missing my favourite night of the year on Saturday when the sky becomes a haven for my mesmerised eyes, the car journey home from the airport when my Daddyo always brings my favourite foods, then finally spending some quality Wintery, Christmas times with all the people that mean the absolute World to me...

Chapter 70...The gay Ghanaian

Saani's voice booms from the statistics office as I tap away on my netbook creating the Talensi Nabdam newsletter for all officers and teachers. No change there I think to myself, Saani's voice always booms, but never usually with this much anger and hate, I figure I should go see what's happening. Before I manage to walk out of the main office door to head to his smaller office for three, he is stood in front of me shouting words I cannot understand.  I manage to grasp hold of "we would rather starve than have your money, starve! We don't need you!" "Saani what are you talking about?" I have no fear in my voice, for I have no fear for Saani. He is always loud and opinionated, but it is rarely directed specifically at me. Often it is aimed at "your people," by this I think he means 'all white people living in the developed World.' I ask again "Saani what has happened?" "Your people are cutting aid to Ghana because we don't allow gays!" The main office erupts behind me, which again is a regular occurrence when there is a debate to be had. Although usually it has a religious undertone, which this one eventually does, and I am just observing. This debate directly involves me and "my people." 

I choose to keep myself at a distance in the heated discussion that follows. It emerges that Saani has just heard it announced on the radio that the UK has already cut aid to Zambia for their strong beliefs on homosexuality and that Ghana is next. They have in fact cut aid  to Malawi by £19 million after two homosexual men were sentenced to 14 years of hard labour as punishment for being the people that they are. Having lived in Ghana for the past eight months I have learnt that if there is one topic where there is no room for open discussion it is homosexuality. It is still considered a taboo in Ghana, and much of Africa, with Ghanaians viewing it as a "non-human, disgusting sexual act." It is a closed case, for which my liberal, accepting views are not welcome.

The whole incident drags my mind from the focused, channelled place it has been, to the bigger picture. I start to question what right the UK has to cut aid to countries based on their deep-rooted cultural beliefs? If so, why homosexuality, why not juju? Hundreds of people still die every year because of acts of juju. And I ask - how much of UK aid money is going to punishing homosexuals in Ghana? If none, then what business is it of theirs to impose thoughts that have only come into play in the UK over the last 50 years? Why not re-focus the money they are cutting to educating Ghanaians on homosexuality and to giving homosexuals in Ghana a voice?

I then can't help but think further about UK aid and how it is accumulated, distributed and monitored. Next year UK aid to Ghana will increase by £5 million taking the total up to £90 million. The majority of this goes to the government, with a small percentage going to the likes of VSO in order to have volunteers in country, "sharing skills and changing lives." DFID  (Department for International Development) who act as the UK's 'aid ministry' are the ones in control of UK aid money. They are the ones implementing aid cuts to some and increases to others, as well as monitoring and over-seeing the use and benefits of UK aid to much of the developing World. I would question from my time in Ghana how well these processes are actually working and whether DFID are in fact reducing poverty by pumping millions of pounds into a country with little action plan for it and even less monitoring. Mr Mitchell said the coalition had made "huge changes" to the way the department runs its finances and that aid is linked to "tangible results on the ground". These results I am struggling to see. But clearly the intentions of both DFID and VSO are good, but in my view, the implementing is not.

I am working on VSO Ghana's largest donor project - TENI (Tackling Education Needs Inclusively). This five year programme receives £1 million each year of Comic Relief money, with VSO Ghana contributing a further £250,000 per year. So in total £1,250,000 per year is being given to reduce poverty through education in three districts in Northern Ghana. The focus of the project is led by VSO and Comic Relief, not by the needs of the people. The idea is that three volunteers - an MSO (Management Support Officer), TSO (Teacher Support Officer) and CASO (Community Advocacy Support Officer - me) are shipped in to build the capacity of the district GES (Ghana Education Service) in order to improve education for all, but specifically girls and those with disability, those not obviously included. Where is homosexuality in this? If the UK feel so strongly that Ghana must legalise homosexuality, why not include that in their development work? Small tangent, back to TENI...the districts themselves have no buy-in, they have very little say in what work they do and they are most definitely not having their capacity built. Instead they have lost their voice, their ownership and accountability. They have become dependant on TENI money to carry out activities, most of which do very little to help school children and teachers, rather doing more to line GES officers pockets with crisp Cedis from Ghana Commercial Bank. And the only question I ask is - what will happen once TENI is gone? Because TENI will leave and VSO and Comic Relief will declare the project a huge success with thousands of beneficiaries lives changed. A video clip will be shown on Red Nose Day of smiling happy children sat comfortably in a concrete school with a celebrity by their side just to add a theatrical twist.  And little of this thanks to TENI, because children in Africa do smile. They also laugh and joke. They cry and they hurt. They are the same little children as you and I once were. They push boundaries. They learn. They grow. They cause mischief and trouble. They bring smiles of joy. This I am sure of. One thing that I am less sure of is how much they directly benefit from UK aid money. In fact I'm not sure how much most people in Ghana benefit from UK aid money.

So to wrap up...does the UK have the right to cut aid to African countries that do not legalise homosexuality? Is that part of the terms and conditions for aid? How many people in those African countries have the voice to agree or disagree with the UK's proposed actions? And after all of this I have to retract some statements a couple of posts back, because clearly I do care about International Development, maybe just not the way VSO or DFID go about it.

For all recent BBC News on UK aid

The breakdown of UK aid review cuts

The table at the bottom shows where DFID money goes in Ghana

The first project under 'Voluntary Services Overseas' is TENI. The problems are real, the solutions are not. Whose fault is it - VSO or Comic Relief? 

Chapter 69...The first time I've linked to someone else's blog!

This blog post written by a fellow VSO pretty much sums up a lot of my thinking at the moment. It talks directly about the Comic Relief funded project - TENI that I am working on, but disagree with strongly, as well as VSO - an International NGO. It leaves me asking the questions - what can this World do together, as a collective whole, to hold fire, stop and really take a look at what International Aid is doing to prevent poverty? How has something that was meant to do so much good ended up doing so much bad, and who can turn this around? What is the harm in halting for a while, to re-assess and start afresh? Take a read and let me know what you think, it's a long one mind, but a real eye opener...

http://www.coolacoustic.com/home/Ghana/Entries/2011/7/12_NGOs_Do_More_Harm_than_Good.html

Chapter 68...The lifting of weights!

My face is dripping with sweat. I can see the droplets falling from my forehead, past my eyes and hitting the ground in that movie kinda way when everything is in slow motion and if that bead of sweat hits the ground then it's game over! Well luckily my life is no Hollywood movie and those beads of sweat signify the start of the game, rather than the end. The game being tennis!

The EWB is stood opposite me, racquet in hand, grimace on face. I'm around 20ft away sliding across the floor in my house flip-flops trying to catch the glass that has just been hit by the tennis ball, but also aware that if I get too close and miss then the glass will shatter over my bare feet. Two seconds later I let out a huge roar of laughter as the glass smashes into hundreds of tiny pieces and we agree that maybe we should have moved the glasses into the kitchen and shut the door before playing tennis in the house. After all we had only purchased the six (now five) new glasses three days earlier. 

Despite the glass shattering results of our afternoon antics, the buzz from our spontaneous indoor tennis workout could be felt around our new home for hours after. I passed from room to room hammering nails into walls with no precision and power, but utter delight when the curtains and paintings I was hanging stayed up. Even when one set fell down, almost into the open flame of the gas stove, it was no big deal! Even when I realised that the seamstress I had asked to turn our cloth into curtains had 'taken' one yard,  which means as a result our main room curtains flap around like a ships sail and conceal nothing of what they are supposed to, it was frustrating, but somehow understandable, after all we had chosen beautiful cloth who wouldn't want some for themself. So, the buzz. The buzz of life being lived. The buzz of life being healthy. The buzz of life being valued. The buzz of hormones. The buzz of here and now. The buzz of energy. The buzz of addiction. As a result of three days of running, push-biking and tennis playing, as well as chopping healthy home-cooked meals, the EWB and I have well and truly caught the buzz. We have made a vow to lift the weights and experience the buzz as often as possible, because with it comes the clarity and knowing of a free mind that I haven't experienced in a long time. 

In one month the weights that are digging into my shoulders will be lifted, as the ending of this VSO chapter arrives. There will be no cliff-hanger ending as the page turns. The reader will be left with a sense that all loose ends have been wrapped up. Yet there will be a sense of excitement and intrigue, because if everything that has come before is finalised and complete then what is next. That blank canvas is yet to be written...

And so in order to start the turning of the page on this chapter I need to take some ownership for how my placement has turned out over the past eight months. In recent posts the underlying trench of blame that lies beneath each and every word is heartfelt, but not wholly justified. I have been so quick to aim the arrow of anger, frustration and lack of motivation at VSO, my colleagues at GES and people in general that I have not opened my eyes to look at myself. I too am to blame for the fact I stayed in the dark place for so long and didn't start the process of escape sooner. I am to blame for not  releasing my mind and heart to Ghana. I am to blame for closing myself off to things that, in my eyes, weren't working. But for whatever reason I am being given a second chance. I have found myself blanketed by positivity, hope and the buzz and this time around I will cling to that and let that drive my head and heart. And when those dark clouds come, which they will, my aim will be to not run as I have done before, but to ground myself, pick up those weights and get lifting! After all, what will I have to show for my life if I just keep running!

Chapter 67...The first ever giving of thanks

I'm riding down the Bolga-Tamale road at 80km/h releasing a high pitched scream from my lungs as I go. The road ahead is empty and my wing mirrors show it is the same behind, no-one can hear my squeals or see my smile. The breeze is absorbing the sweat from my face and flapping my jacket around my back, giving a look and feel of a Superman cape, which only adds to my excitement and feeling of glee.  Tongo hills are jutting out from the otherwise vast flatness that is the landscape, and are occupying my left eye, while my right is keeping a close watch out for the white sign with blue writing on that I have been told is my destination... At times like this could life really get any better!

Well apparently the answer is yes, as I was invited to celebrate Canadian Thanksgiving soaking up the sheer warmth and energy of around 20+ EWB's. This is a group of people that I have slowly become absorbed by in recent months, as each time I meet them I am greeted with love and sincerity. They are a unit, a whole that oozes optimism, fun and purpose. Their drive for change is commendable, as is the way their organisation operates. 

In recent months it has been a struggle to recognise the many flaws in the organisation I am working for and at the same time acknowledge the desire in me for organisational qualities like the ones I see in EWB. VSO's lack of unity, lack of motivation, lack of development and progression have made some days grey and others turbulent thunderstorms. But in the past week freedom has been found, as the sun beams, the birds humm and  the mosquitoes buzz grows faint. VSO have taught me what I do not want from an organisation - one I work for, or even my own, whilst EWB have taught me that even while budgets are tight and times are hard, a solid unit is always key! Now nothing is ever perfect and you may think that these people were hand built by robots with an 'eternal optimism' default mechanism built in. Obviously every unit has it's anomalies of sub-units and negativity, for some reason though with this unit, it still feels whole, it still feels complete.

So at the dinner table last night I found myself surrounded by plenty of people - some fresh faces to my darting, inquisitive eyes, others familiar, safe and known. The meat was tender, the mashed potato smooth, the stuffing spot on and the houmous just like home, and of course the beer was flowing! As I sat during the poetry slam that followed and listened to the voice of the one EWB I recognise, understand and love the most, my head and heart were open to my new beginning. A re-discovery of myself, the person I want to be and the people I want to surround myself with.

 

Chapter 66...The end is near!

It's been a long time since my blog and I have been connected and for a while I thought we never would be again, but I have woken this morning with a knot in my stomach and a need to express...

My placement with VSO is soon coming to an end and as a result I have recently found myself in that void between the chapters that make up my life. I am left evaluating what has been my life for the past year and somehow planning what I want from this World and myself in the coming year. This is the first time that I feel a number of things are out of my control, and being a control freak 'I do not feel comfortable' (that one's for you Stumps) with that! Whenever I have made one of those 'life changing decisions' in the past they have only involved me, but this time it is all change! Someone else's 'life changing decisions' are driving the steering wheel of the brightly coloured, bubbly car with a dark grey interior that is my life.  I am left trying to figure out how I feel about it, but then I question whether I have to figure that out at all, because I have committed myself to another human being and now we ride that huge break of a wave together. Sometimes we sail over the top of the wave smoothly with a soft floating motion of ease, other times we misjudge and the wave sidesweeps us completely, turning us under the water so we don't know which way is up, then eventually when all hope is lost, yet sheer excitement is felt, we surface again to the calm of the World and life, together as one...!

So for the time being I lack an element of control over things I am usually 100% certain of and that is fine and settled within me. The knot comes from finishing what has been a turbulent ten months (by the time I step onto that flight home) with VSO and figuring out what my next calling in life is. One thing is for sure, it is not International Development and after a few hours lying in bed this morning debating how comfortable I am with that, I feel fine! Because it is some people's vocation in life to fall hard into the International Development World, but is evidently not mine. Firstly I do not have the patience for it, which will come as no surprise to most of you, I want the change now, in fact yesterday is when I want it! I want people to be committed to change, to work hard for it, to be hungry for it. I want to work for an organisation where the cards are laid out on the table, where the money is evenly and fairly spent and where the people on the ground working are a collective whole. I am not well placed in this arena, because I accept things as they are one minute then get wound up by them the next. I struggle to be consistent with my level of flexibility and understanding versus my need for the Western World. When seeing a 'street boy' shovelling food into his mouth while trying to keep empty plastic bottles securely stuffed up his winter jumper and asking what his story is, my heart bleeds (this will never stop) to hear that his father died and his mother left him for a new life elsewhere. Yet other times I can be so cold-hearted and controversial and take this unfair, ill-balanced World for what it is.

By now I am sure we are all agreed that International Development work is not for me! And this is a good thing, because it allows others to fill the role that I cannot. Everyday my eyes see and my ears hear the heart-felt, phenomenal, committed work that others are doing in this field. The drive and determination they feel to make a change, however small. These are the people who should be working in International Development and I am so thankful that they are. But for me the big question is...what next? The paths ahead are all sign-posted with my name and one is slightly more illuminous in the African sun, but not quite fully lit up! My heart thinks it knows exactly what it wants and am I doing it an injustice by not following it, or do I make a compromise, for once, and tell my heart that it will eventually get what it wants, but for now it must hold off! Yes, this is the decision I have made.

So in the next two months I have plenty of time to detach myself both mentally and physically from the World of International Development and to figure out, at the very least, the synopsis for the next chapter, whatever possibilities that may bring...

Chapter 65...The 'daily' commute!

As you can imagine my 'daily' commute in Ghana is ever-so-slightly different to my previous commutes to work - two hours door-to-door down to London often on over-crowded, slow trains and tubes or 45 minutes cruising up the M11 praying for no delays, as I was always running late anyway! Instead I ride my moto (on the days it's not got a flat tyre or I haven't dropped it and broken the clutch handle off again or it's not raining) down the 'back road' to Tongo. 

I am the only volunteer to take this route, which has turned it into my own special and private oasis in Ghana where I lose myself in my thoughts every day! The road is pot-holed, dust filled and has a suicidal chicken that runs into my tyre at least once a week, but it is my road where I see the same smiling faces and waves of hello. I know the exact swerves to make to avoid the bumps and holes that give me all the flat-tyres and I know exactly where I'll see people at different times of the day. The road and the people feel like they are mine! I pick people on my moto if they are heading in the same direction and sometimes we talk, sometimes we don't. Some days I will be completely caught up in my own World of problems and issues I am working through so I ride the forty minutes head down with a stern look on my face. Others my mind will be clear and I will be squealing and smiling to myself the whole way! Either mood the people on my route seem to be able to sense it before I have even arrived by their side, a flash of red bike passing through their lives. They will greet according to me, and they never seem to be phased by the days when I am so caught up in myself that I forget to answer their shouts or flash them a smile from my helmet, and that is fine!  

These guys nearly always have some meat hanging above their heads where they sit.
They then smoke it up and chop it for lunch or dinner.

But I am not a part of peoples lives and they are not a part of mine! Speed and movement allow this and I am thankful for that, because I enjoy the element of distance and unknown it creates! I do not think of all the bad things I am forced to think of through work - corruption, harassment, corporal punishment - I think of the people, just the pure people that I see on the surface...

Before the rainy season, this piece of land was completely bare and dry. I could see the compound and all the people sat outside. Now we are in the rainy season I cannot see anyone beyond the field.

How children in Ghana spend their 'summer' holidays!