Since my last blog post I have been overwhelmed by the responses I have received from you all, thank you so very much! Firstly it is good to know that there are people out there reading the ramblings that I type. Secondly it is amazing to read and hear the sound advice that you are offering, if I weren't so deep in the situation would I have been able to offer similar words of wisdom! (Many of you will find yourself quoted in this blog post, I cannot take full credit for this one!) Thirdly you have all managed to lift my spirits and re-align my thinking of life in Ghana, which was very much needed (clearly)! Since Tuesday I have done nothing but analyse...
I have always worn my heart on my sleeve, which as a result has led me to be a highly emotionally attached being, whether it is work, love, life, I find it difficult to detach myself emotionally. I throw my whole heart and soul in, leaving me vulnerable to being crushed every time, which is clearly where I reached on Tuesday of this week! My task now is to look after my own health and well-being, which is the only thing I have control over in this World...myself! Now the best and most helpful words I read were these...'that doesn't mean not caring and striving for the best but simply doing the best you can and allowing other people to take responsibility for their own part. Don't stress about what you can't change!' (I thank you for these words)! Now to be honest this is not the first time I have heard this, as a very dear friend of mine - Kathleen - has been telling me the same thing for years and years! This is the first time though that I have found myself at a real crunch point when these words really can impact on my life and those of the people around me!
On the corruption and work side a friend who I have looked up to the whole time I have known her had this to say...'I guess human nature really when you think about it is selfish and you could look at each act you do and say is that selfish because in some way it will be for my own benefit.' I think this is very true, both in the Western world and in Ghana! My daddyo reminded me of people back home abusing sick days (guilty as charged) and the horror of the expenses scandal in the UK. The difference there though was that I was detached from it, there really was nothing I could do, it was something I read about in newspapers and heard about on the news. Here it is my life and my disappointment comes when I go into an office 'everyday' (we'll use that word loosely here) and witness the ones who do not need, being corrupt and selfish and impoverishing further those who are living on or just above the poverty line. It feels so Robin Hood-esque, but 'taking from the poor to feed the rich!' However, as my friend said, they have their reasons. Maybe it is their survival instinct kicking in to look after themself and their family, maybe they are sending that money (which should be going to feeding someone else's family) to their extended family elsewhere in Ghana. Whatever the reason corruption is an established and understood system that has been in place for decades now. What makes me think I can come in and change that?!
I had a fascinating chat this morning with an elderly Ghanaian man who before retiring was a teacher. CK's (no not Calvin Klein) eyes are fading and letting him down now, but his mind is sharp and his stories compelling. We sat for an hour or so discussing his fathers survival of both World Wars, Colonialism, Chiefs and elders and finally corruption. CK's father was dragged out of his village at the age of seventeen to march by foot down to Accra (from Newcastle to Cornwall) where he was put on a ship and sent to war. CK was taught in a barracks school by one of the 'white soldiers wives.' He saw Independence come and the British go. He saw how roads then fell apart, how politics turned messy and how corruption snuck in. I am definitely not wanting to get into the Colonialism debate here, but hearing thoughts such as these from a Ghanaian who has seen it all and then hearing him state that he 'does not know how Ghana will rid the problem of corruption' I can see even further that I am 'flogging a dead horse!'
So from all of this I can easily conclude that feeling frustrated and angry by focusing too much on the negatives around me has only resulted in me feeling hurt, let-down and disappointed by the people I am supposed to be working with. When the advice comes not only from your mother, but someone who spent a third of their life growing up in Africa to 'let sleeping dogs lie' that is when you really know it is time to re-assess the situation! Now I am going to re-align my expectations - both of myself and those I am 'working with' by taking a huge step back, analysing what I can change and what I cannot and then concentrating on applying the skills and qualities I possesss to help those that really want and need it. In the background of all of this are the people who should be at the forefront...the children in the schools of Ghana! I am going to focus my work on the end beneficiaries themselves who are growing up in a World where corruption is an acceptable way of course! Because the young after all are the ones 'who are open to new information and are willing to learn and change to improve their own lives and Ghana.' If only one or two of them understand that corruption, corporal punishment and gender inequality should not be a fundamental part of their everyday lives then I can leave my placement with some hope for the future...! And ironically I question whether I am doing all of this just so I can finish my placement in December feeling fulfilled and like I have managed to learn from my own mistakes for the rest of my life (there's that selfish thing creeping in again)!
No comments:
Post a Comment